Well, here we are on day four on eHarmony. Success on this site so far is pretty limited. I'm grateful for a lot of matches. Each day they provide new matches for me to look at (however I wish they would let me know via 1 e-mail a day as opposed to 5!). I have gone back and forth over whether or not to be the first one to initiate with the men that I am matched with. Like many women I over analyze the situation wondering what message I'm sending by initiating first. God forbid I seem too agressive! But most of the time I'm just thinking, "I paid for the damn thing so I better get the most out of it!" (My last go round with eHarmony was fully funded by my second mom). Suffice it to say I'm a little more anxious. Does it come of as desperate or practical/pragmatic when a woman initiates first? And is it an LA thing that more and more these days women have to be super overt about their interest for a man to feel comfortable making a move?
So far I have had three guys out of maybe 30 either express some sort of interest. None of them have gotten to the final stage of communication. Awesome.
Just keep swimming,
ODQ
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I'm Not Sold Yet
High self esteem is healthy. However there is a level of self esteem that blinds one from reality. Interacting with many such prospectives online has been frustrating mainly because I really do want to give these guys a fair chance. But they can quickly ruin my interest by not trying very hard to impress and making cavalier requests when the truth is that I'M JUST NOT SOLD YET. Please do not mistake a woman's openess to your interest in her as a cue that she is 100% into you.
I made the mistake a few months ago of giving a guy my number, when I was still only just curious (meaning I wasn't sold yet but open to being won over). I should have followed my own advice re: the face-to-face. But I was impatient and too busy to set something up. He ended calling me towards the end of the month and I just had no energy for the conversation at the time. Since then I have received a text from him every two weeks asking me to come to his house! Did I mention we have not had a face-to-face yet? Today I received another text from him, once again asking if I want to come over to his house tonight. Is it elitist of me that I think most people can afford a cup of coffee? I feel some pity for him because ever since I sent him an e-mail he has interacted with me as if he's got it in the bag. I'm just not sold yet.
Tip: Never tire of putting effort into wooing and impressing your potential mate, especially in the beginning stages. If you're tired, then you may not be as excited about that person as you think. This goes for both women and men.
Always,
ODQ
I made the mistake a few months ago of giving a guy my number, when I was still only just curious (meaning I wasn't sold yet but open to being won over). I should have followed my own advice re: the face-to-face. But I was impatient and too busy to set something up. He ended calling me towards the end of the month and I just had no energy for the conversation at the time. Since then I have received a text from him every two weeks asking me to come to his house! Did I mention we have not had a face-to-face yet? Today I received another text from him, once again asking if I want to come over to his house tonight. Is it elitist of me that I think most people can afford a cup of coffee? I feel some pity for him because ever since I sent him an e-mail he has interacted with me as if he's got it in the bag. I'm just not sold yet.
Tip: Never tire of putting effort into wooing and impressing your potential mate, especially in the beginning stages. If you're tired, then you may not be as excited about that person as you think. This goes for both women and men.
Always,
ODQ
Back with eHarmony/Top 3 Benefits of a Good Profile Page
Well, I'm back on eHarmony again. I really thought I was done with this site for a good long while. But somehow having the worste Valentine's day I have ever had combined with eHarmony's free communication event I got reeled in hook line and sinker! What really sealed the deal though was receiving a communication from a guy on the site but I couldn't see his picture. I didn't want to get too far into communcation without knowing whether or not I was actually attracted to him physically. So I bit the bullet.
The site has changed quite a bit since the last time I was on. A lot of the links are way more userfriendly and some things have been re-titled to make more sense which is good. I can be a site snob sometimes when things are unclear or unfocused. One thing that hasn't changed is the handful of men (probably women as well) who write next to NOTHING on their profile page and post either a tiny picture of themselves or no picture at all. Sometimes I wish I could host a tutorial for these men and show them why women are bypassing their profile page. Then the thought always occurs to me that maybe they are still getting some action! Any response by a woman to their page only reinforces the laziness of not taking the time to fill out a profile page.
However, I am sure that the reason for all the lack luster profile pages is not just laziness. Some people are worried about overselling themselves or coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. This is why I have come up with a list of benefits to writing a good profile page.
1) You'll find out how awesome you are: Writing a good profile page is a great way to having a better understanding of yourself! It is good practice because the more you know yourself the more you will realize what you bring to the table in a relationship...and what you need to improve on.
2) You Won't waist your time: If a person is turned off by your humor in your profile page, chances are they will be turned off by it once you meet up in person. Be appropriate but don't water yourself down just so that people won't be turned off. Let people see who you really are sooner. That way when you do receive a response you know that person will be responding to the real you.
3) You'll get more responses: Online dating is becoming an art. And the ones that have been around the block can tell the people who have just slapped something together versus people who have been thoughtful and reflective about their needs and desires on their pages. When you put effort into your page it communicates that you are willing to put effort into the things that really matter to you...like relationships ;)
Happy profile writing!
ODQ
PS: Narcissistic people don't worry about being narcissistic. If you're worried about it, then you probably have nothing to worry about.
The site has changed quite a bit since the last time I was on. A lot of the links are way more userfriendly and some things have been re-titled to make more sense which is good. I can be a site snob sometimes when things are unclear or unfocused. One thing that hasn't changed is the handful of men (probably women as well) who write next to NOTHING on their profile page and post either a tiny picture of themselves or no picture at all. Sometimes I wish I could host a tutorial for these men and show them why women are bypassing their profile page. Then the thought always occurs to me that maybe they are still getting some action! Any response by a woman to their page only reinforces the laziness of not taking the time to fill out a profile page.
However, I am sure that the reason for all the lack luster profile pages is not just laziness. Some people are worried about overselling themselves or coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. This is why I have come up with a list of benefits to writing a good profile page.
1) You'll find out how awesome you are: Writing a good profile page is a great way to having a better understanding of yourself! It is good practice because the more you know yourself the more you will realize what you bring to the table in a relationship...and what you need to improve on.
2) You Won't waist your time: If a person is turned off by your humor in your profile page, chances are they will be turned off by it once you meet up in person. Be appropriate but don't water yourself down just so that people won't be turned off. Let people see who you really are sooner. That way when you do receive a response you know that person will be responding to the real you.
3) You'll get more responses: Online dating is becoming an art. And the ones that have been around the block can tell the people who have just slapped something together versus people who have been thoughtful and reflective about their needs and desires on their pages. When you put effort into your page it communicates that you are willing to put effort into the things that really matter to you...like relationships ;)
Happy profile writing!
ODQ
PS: Narcissistic people don't worry about being narcissistic. If you're worried about it, then you probably have nothing to worry about.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)