Fade to Frienship

It's the age old When Harry Met Sally question: Can a man and a woman have a relationship/friendship without sex getting in the way? And in the online dating world post-dating friendship can be a little tricky. I'm not even sure how often it even happens successfully. As for myself and a few of the women that I know who have tried online dating, the odds for maintaining a friendship with someone you have gone on a few dates with are currently zero times out of 10. It just doesn't happen. More often than not us online daters have opted for what I like to call the "fade out." The fade out is the process of phasing out communication with a person that you have been on one or a couple dates with but are not really interested it seeing long term. Its been a difficult question for me to deal with because there are so many factors involved. I mean first off, do I even want to have a friendship with this person? Secondly, how do we make that awkward transition from something that started off heading in a completely different direction? Do I just subtly stop letting them pay for my meals anymore? Opening doors?

Well, recently I became really quite sad over the fact that I might be losing out on a great friendship with a guy I had gone on a couple dates. Both dates were fantastic! A lot to talk about, a lot of joking, fun etc. During the second date we both realize that there was something we fundamentally disagreed upon that would prevent the relationship from going any further romantically. And yet, I still felt a connection that I didn't want to lose just because we decided not to date. After that revealing date it honestly seemed like we were both going to play the "fade out" game. I don't think either one of us knew how to continue building a friendship and change the direction of the way we had started our relationship. Well, I decided to take action. I just thought, "how sad would it be if I go on dates with all these guys and not one of them turns into a friendship?!" In the non-online dating world this happens all the time! And I didn't want to lose this guy as a friend. So after two weeks of "fading" I sent him a text asking, "Do you think it's possible for a man and a woman who have decided not to date to be friends?" There was way more in the text than that but you get the idea. And guess what! He responded so positively, saying that he definitely wanted to continue a friendship with me. I was elated. We are now currently building a very fun and healthy friendship, which I hope will deepen over time.

Now I know not every situation is prime for a post dating friendship. But I had a feeling with this one. So you'll have to decide for yourself whether or not you A) want to be friends with that person long term and B) Its appropriate for you to ask for friendship given your dating experience with them. My recommendation is to never use the "let's be friends" line unless you absolutely mean it. Besides, people can tell when you mean it and when you don't anyway.

We'll have to see where this friendship goes but for now I'm so grateful to have actually gained a relationship out of my dating experience, even if it isn't a romantic one.

Friends Forever,
ODQ