Learning to Love the Gray Area

More and more I am learning to to LOVE living in the gray areas, primarly because I have gone on a couple dates with guys who have NO IDEA how to live there. By gray area I mean that place where things are undefined, decisions haven't been made, commitments are not yet expressed... not to mention the fact that (ahem) this was only a FIRST DATE! However, I am learning to see the signs ahead of time. Here are some of the signs that a potential online dater does not know how to live in the grey area (in no particular order):

1) Before the first meet up s/he sends you texts messages frequently throughout the day with chit chatty questions like, "How is your day going," or, "what are you up to?"
2) In his/her conversations/text messages s/he uses the word "love" a lot ie "ok love," "goodbye my love" or "man you love me!"
3) The potential dater uses committed phrases like, "I'm gonna make you mine," "you're mine," or "I got you." Remember, this is only cute/funny if you're SURE the other person is joking and there's no way to tell that until you meet a person.
4) The potential dater calls you pet names such as babe, baby, sweetheat, sweetie pie, honey etc. You get the picture. Basically any term of endearment should be reserved for those to whom you are sure you want to endear yourself to. Make sense?

Disclaimer: Just because your potential dater exhibits one of these signs does not necessarily mean that they are incapable of living in the gray area. You will have to use your own best judgement in each scenario.

Happily gray,
ODQ

Dial M.O.M. For Help

The other day I was on my way to meet up with a date. This was going to be my second date with this particular guy. We were going to the beach but on the way there I decided to call my mom and vent to her about all the things that bothered me about him so far and and all the reasons why it wouldn't work out. "But he's not a planner," I told her, "and he seems like the kind of person who is afraid live in or visit urban areas." Although I was annoyed by it, my mom was somehow able to remind me that these aren't necessarily deal breakers and that I should still enjoy the date and give him some room to grow and be himself without having to fit into my checklist of criteria.

After thinking about that conversation I started to realized how motivated we are to see flaws in other people when we're afraid. And once I began to be honest with myself I realized that I am actually just scared. I have not yet quite learned how to protect my heart wisely until the appropriate time and so instead I chose to find reasons to sabotage the date before it even started by conjuring up all the things that annoyed me. So I decided to follow my mom's advice and just enjoy getting to know him and guess what! I had a great time!

Maybe one day I'll actually tell my mom she was right.

Best,
ODQ

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ODQ