Too Personal vs Deep (And Rule 2 in Sending Text Messages)

We all grew up in different households, different parents with different ideas of the world. However, there are a few things that we can agree upon as socially acceptable. Last week I was watching my absolute favorite show "Millionaire Matchmaker" and this very issue of Too Personal vs. Deep came up. The issue is this: Many people, in an attempt to be deep, vulnerable or intriguing will end up sharing too much information about themself too soon. This makes people uncomfortable as was the case on the episode. On the show, one of the women who was chosen for a mini date by both of the men shared about her bout with anorexia as well as the passing of her mom. Both men were turned off by this, not because they were without compassion, but because this information was TOO PERSONAL TOO SOON. They had five minutes to spend with an attractive woman in order to decide if they would like to get to know her deeply. But instead of feeling free to ask their prepared questions, they spent the time trying to recover from the heavy information that was just unloaded and worrying about how to respond.

A few months ago I started talking with this guy who had this exact problem. He wanted to be deep and thought provoking and "open," he ended up asking me questions that were way too personal too soon. And to be honest, it wasn't completely the type of questions as it was the amount of questions. It seemed as if he has this list of questions that he was going down and checking off as I answered them. Later that week, he began texting me questions. At one point he asked me about my history with men and my five year plan for my life....ALL VIA TEXT!!! I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and go out on a face-to-face with him. And what I found was shocking... He didn't seem to have any questions for me! My only conjecture at this point was that he must have had a list in front him during our phone conversations and now that he couldn't have his list in front of him he was unable to function. In all of the questions that I shot his way (normal ones like, how big is your family? Oh really, how old is that sister?) not one of those questions was returned in my direction. Needless to say, we did not go out again.

My point in this post: Learn the difference between questions and topics of discussion that are deep and thought provoking versus ones that are just too personal.

My subpoint is Rule 2 in Sending Text Messages: Do not ask questions over text that it will take more than 10 words to answer, especially if you have not had a face-to-face yet.

Best,
ODQ