Having been the winner of several spelling bees as a child and even competing in a regional competition (I tanked on the word "doughboy") I am particularly anal about spelling. Consequently, poor spelling and grammar has become a specific turn off for me. Does this make me super elitist?!?! I don't know, but I can't seem to help the fact that it bothers me so much. However, I realized recently what a unique problem this is. For example, when dating someone whom you have met in the non-online dating world you could go weeks, even MONTHS without knowing the level of their spelling prowess. But in the online dating world you know pretty much immediately. From your profile page to the first exchange of e-mails or texts, you pretty much have to lay all your spelling cards on the table from jump. It gets tricky because a good speller does not necessarily an intellectual make. I have met plenty of geniuses who are horrible at spelling. So why is it so hard for me to let go of such a superficial judgment?! I have a few theories on the subject.
To start off, dating online is very much like accepting applicants for a job. Profile pages are like resumes, photos are like head shots at an audition. And after spending my whole entire day in front of a computer, the last thing I want to do when I get home is spend hours and hours scanning my PC screen. I want the process to be quick so I scan (more like skim) for key phrases, important facts and try to synthesize and process all the data coming at me as fast as possible to make a decision on a person. There just isn't a lot of time to mess around! So if you only have 2.5 minutes to impress me with your profile page, the least you could do for me is run a spell check!
Moreover, when profiles do not have a lot of information, us online daters are forced to "read between the lines" if you will. I find myself looking a little closer at pictures, reading answers and phrases over again trying to piece together the big mystery that the guy has left me to solve. So I often use things like not having read any books lately, typing in all caps or even typing in "cell phone text script" to help me make my decision. Hey don't judge me! I'm not the one with a bare bones profile page!
A few months ago I started exchanging text messages with a guy I met online. However, with each text message he sent me I became not only more turned off but also extremely confused!!! What was so strange was that his profile made perfect sense, grammar and everything. Something didn't seem to be adding up. So I decided to ask my friend for advice. She is always so great at reminding me to be gracious and to give guys more of a fighting chance. And she said something to me that I hadn't thought of before: "You never know, he could have a learning disability." So reluctantly I decided to keep talking to him and it turned out she was right! Although nothing really came of my conversations with this guy romantically, I was really grateful to have a friend push me towards grace and not allow me sit on my judgy, spelling bee pedestal.
Since that time I can't honestly say that I don't take spelling into account when assessing a potential online match, but I think (I hope) I am way more gracious about it.
Grateful for spell check,
ODQ
No comments:
Post a Comment