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Dear Friends and fellow readers,

If you have enjoyed my posts on this blog, please become a follower by visiting the blog site at http://onlinedatingstories2010.blogspot.com/

Thanks!

ODQ

Riding in Cars with Boys

I spent some time thinking about one of the more annoying occurances in the online dating world the other day: Men who post photos of themselves posing in front of their cars. This is a MEGA turnoff! On the one hand, I understand the desire to really prove to your future mate that you are capable of handling your finances and that you can be a good provider. But who is to say that the Escalade that's propping up your left elbow doesn't belong to your friend Ray Ray? Not to mention the fact that these pictures are like a honing beacon for GOLD DIGGERS! What happened to "we want Pre-Nup, we want Pre-nup!"? Wasn't this the male anthem of 2006? Let's go back to pictures with normal things like stuffed animals and puppies.

Wondering if it's just me,
ODQ

Dear Incomplete/Blank Profile Guy,

Thank you for wasting my time.

ODQ

Just Because You Delete Someone From Your Phone....

Doesn't mean they delete you from theirs!

I know it's silly but I actually thought I was done with crazy texter guy. You know, the one that would text me once every week or couple of weeks and ask how I was doing even though I NEVER texted back. There is a thin line between persisting and pestering and this guy is so far from the line he can't even see it. So after I hadn't heard from him in what seemed like a month I thought it was safe to just delete him from my phone. BIG MISTAKE! I ended up getting a random text the other day asking me how I was doing and silly me-I actually texted back asking, "who is this?!" And just like that I was sucked back into the orbit of whatever planet this guy is on.

Learning,
ODQ

I AM NOT A STATISTIC!!!.....or am i?

Recently Time Magazine published a statistic from OkCupid (one of the sites I have frequented)that Black women garner the lowest response rate of all women's groups from online daters. Ring, ring! "Hello?" "Hi, this is Depression, and Discouragement! We're coming over for a visit!" I mean seriously! So there I was, actually becoming more satisfied with waiting and trusting in God when this article slaps me over the head with a reality check. Right now I'm wondering mostly how can both these realities be true? How is it possible that God holds my future and my destiny in his hands while at the same time this ever flowing current of latent racism (Yes I said it) prevents me from reaching the top of the dating chain?

I'm sure that both my male and female friends have a hard time understanding this. "But black women are so beautifl! I just don't understand." Nine times out of ten these people are not currently dating a black woman. All of a sudden I felt justified in my choice to spend time on an interracial dating site in which racial preferences were clearly stated up front on everyone's profile. A black woman who was interviewed for the article articulated the strategy best: "Now I look at that section first so as not to get my hopes up." HOW SAD! We're scared to even hope!!! Scared to put ourselves out there time and time again only to get limited to no response at all!

Let me stop here by saying, I hate the victim mentality. I have always been hard on myself to figure out where can I improve and where do I need to shift. But this time its not just me. And I have the facts to prove it. I thought it was all in my head. I still trust God to work it out. But now the things I am praying for seem even bigger than me--try praying for the racism of a generation!

ODQ

If I'm Truly Honest with Myself

This week has been about being SUPER honest with myself. God has been reminding me of somethings that I have wanted out of a relationship that I thought I was willing to compromise on. Don't get it twisted! I'm not talking about compromising on spirtuatl and moral compatibility here. The things I felt open to compromising on were the "extras" that I hoped to find in someone.

One of those things was sense of humor. I really thought that I could compromise on this one in particular with one of the guys I dated, wondering, "maybe I'll be okay if I'm the only funny one in the relationship." Not that I'm winning any awards for best stand up comic...but you know. In fact, it was in a conversation I had with one of my guy friends recently that reminded me how much I HAVE to have this in a relationship. It even increases my respect for a person when they can match or exceed my wit and can decrease my respect when its not there. I tried hard not to let it matter so much but I can't help it!

The other thing which I can't compromise on is in planning ahead of time. Now, this was the biggest shocker because I thought that I was really high "P" on the Myers Briggs. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Myers Briggs, that basically means I like things open ended, may tend to procrastinate a lot. But I have recently become very strict about my schedule. In fact, the only time I may put off scheduling something is if it is going to cost money and I'm concerned about how I am spending my finances. But in general, I do much better after something scheduled than I do when it's open ended. And when someone says to me something like, "Oh yeah, we'll definitely hang out sometime," or "we'll definitely do something this week," I breaks trust with me. I feel this way partially because quality time is my primary love language. But I also feel this way because I am a busy person, so if I communicate that I'm interested in opening up my schedule it doesn't mean I won't take any other appointments or meetings etc until you're ready to schedule something. It means, let's put something in the books now before you get completely edged out of my life.

So there you go. I guess I'm looking for a hilarious planner. Know any? :)

Best,
ODQ

Waiting on God

Last week was a torrential storm of emotions and excitement only to be extinguished in one night. I began texting back and forth and talking on the phone with a guy who seemed perfect. In fact, one of my friends began referring to him as "Mr. Amazing." Well, there were pieces of his life that he was not upfront about until we met up in person. First being the fact that his pictures on the internet we not up to date. He had had a pretty bad motorcycle accident that had left him in pretty bad shape. The second and most important piece he left out of his history was the fact that he had spent time in prison for embezzlment. Needless to say, I have been pretty disillusioned and renewed a committment in my heart to wait on God and really be patient about any opportunity that comes by way. One of the primary ways that I am doing this is by only checking my internet dating accounts once a day (as opposed to 5 or 6) and only after praying to God and asking him to sift through my heart and fill my neediness. I have also cancelled a couple memberships I have to some dating sites that I was dissatisfied with and now I'm down to just two that I am invested in. I have a feeling that this MIGHT mean much fewer dates, but maybe the overall quality will pick up. :)

Cautious and Hopeful,
ODQ